that thing called confidence
Confidence is a tricky tricky thing.
Like most everyone (maybe except our dear Kim Seokjin) I assume that most creators are low in confidence. It’s so easy, SO EASY, for us to doubt our own work. To shed a negative light on the Thing we’ve created. To find faults in every corner of our canvas, our surface, our paper. Why is this the case, I don’t know. I naturally have low confidence in myself, my looks, and my work. It’s just the way it’s been for many years. Why is it so hard to believe in yourself? Again, I don’t know.
Engraving calligraphy though has taught me how to actually love the Thing I do. No, I’m not saying my work is perfect—not at all. I can point out and list to you all the mistakes I’ve done in any piece I’ve engraved. But there’s just this moment, right after I finish engraving and painting the letters, that I actually tell myself, “Did I just do that? With my hands? Really?”
Engraving calligraphy has allowed to admire my own work. The whole process of getting to the finished look. I know every step, and every effort it took me to achieve this look. Each engraving and calligraphy I do is not rushed, not haphazardly done. I’ve learned to admire and appreciate my own process of creating, designing, and engraving. Recently, I’ve actually said the words “Wow, this looks so dang beautiful!” And it’s in these moments that I catch myself, almost in a reprimanding way, and say “hey, that’s not right. You can’t love your own work! That’s too egotistic! Stop(b) it!”
And then I wonder, wait why am I not allowing myself to love my own work? Is that so wrong?
For this batch of engraved coasters, I was snapping pictures after each finished item and been sending it to my friend saying “OMG I hope I’m not being too arrogant, but I love how this turned out!” And I do sincerely hope it’s not arrogance, but simply a surprise that I’ve actually done something I like looking at.
Slowly, I’ve been allowing myself that moment of admiration for my own work. After all, isn’t it that as a creative/business I need to be happy and satisfied with my own piece first before I sell it to someone? It’s just a great disservice if I don’t. Not saying that each piece I’ve sold is perfection—I won’t get anything done if I made every single stroke perfect. But as the calligrapher/engraver, I need to be sure that I’m more than happy with the piece I will hand over to the waiting client.
Admiring and appreciating your own work, your own piece, is also a win for your client. They are guaranteed that the art they receive is quality, is appreciated, is loved by the artist herself.
